Sex: Can We Now?
Most likely you won’t be getting lucky that first week or so. The region needs a rest, especially if there’s been an episiotomy or tearing. At one point experts felt a woman should wait six weeks before engaging in a healthy bout of naughty knocking. But now doctors say that if there’s no bleeding or fever, you two can go at it whenever you feel ready.
That means when you both feel ready, so cool your jets.
Some couples return to sex after two weeks. Others take a few months. And you might find your partner wants to hold off on penetration for some time. If that’s the case, be creative:
• Make out.
• Give each other hickies.
• Hide a jelly bean in your pajamas and dare her to find it.
Remember, it’s not just a physical issue. There’s a lot of mental and emotional elements as well. Take your time. You also might find that you’re not as eager to trot as you once were. Don’t sweat it. Birth and a new baby are a big deal. Don’t pressure each other. Relax and wait it out.
I REMEMBER SEX . . . THAT THING WE USED TO DO.
It turns out that hormonal changes, breastfeeding, and overall exhaustion can have an impact on some women’s libido. This can last a looong time.
Sex after pregnancy can be a real hurdle for a couple. It’s like eating. You never stop to think how good it is that you and your partner get hungry at about the same time every day. You never think, “Wow. We are both totally up for eating at least twice a day. Sometimes three times!” But all of a sudden she’s more like, “You know, I’m just not that hungry. Not at all. I could go days, weeks, without eating.” You’re starving, and things can get tense.
This can throw a couple for a loop, so be prepared.
• Remember to be affectionate even if you’re not trying to get a little sheet-time romance.
• Hold her hand, kiss her in the hall, rub her back-even if you know it won’t lead to actual sex. Crazy, we know. But a little snuggling can be great for both of you.
• Try courting your partner. Buy her some flowers, make her a special meal, send her little notes, even ask her out on a date. Think of it as tantric foreplay.
• Be patient with her: Take your time. Pretend you’re seventeen and dating a Catholic.
• Perhaps most important of all, talk about it. Tell her what you’re feeling. Find out what she’s feeling. Just because she’s not in the mood doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you anymore. (Or maybe it does, which is sad, for you. . . . Sorry!)
If the situation really starts to rub on you (or if you’re the only one doing any rubbing), consider talking to a counselor or a doctor. Maybe they’ll have sex with you. Just kidding.
