The music and tabloid world lost a major icon last week with the passing of Michael Jackson. I vividly remember watching his “Thriller” video with my brother back when I was a freshman in high school-watching it over and over again, thinking it was the coolest thing we’d ever seen. And it probably was, at the time.
To be sure, there was no one like Michael Jackson. In his honor, for this week’s blog I’ve selected scenarios that relate to some of his greatest hits.
How to Take a Punch
1. Tighten your stomach muscles.
A blow to the gut (solar plexus) can damage organs, and even kill. This sort of punch is one of the best and easiest ways to knock someone out. (Harry Houdini died from an unexpected blow to the abdomen.)
2. Do not suck in your stomach if you expect that a punch is imminent.
3. If possible, shift slightly so that the blow hits your side, but do not flinch or move away from the punch.
How to Treat Red, Puffy, Eyes
- Splash ice-cold water on your face.
- Apply a cold compress.
Place a chilled wet washcloth, cucumber slices, metal spoons, or moistened tea bags over your eyes for ten minutes. (Herbal teas such as chamomile are soothing; caffeinated teas restrict blood vessels and reduce swelling.) - Hydrate.
Drink plenty of water to avoid inflammation. - Make an egg white mask.
Beat two egg whites in a bowl and add a few drops of witch hazel. Apply the skin-tightening mixture to the entire face and wait 15 minutes for the mask to dry. Follow up with a light moisturizer. - Exercise.
Jumping up and down and swinging your arms back and forth will stimulate the lymphatic system, which is responsible for fluid circulation. - Apply hemorrhoid cream.
Hemorrhoid cream constricts blood vessels and reduces inflammation. Apply a pea sized amount evenly on the skin around the eyes. - Create a cosmetic distraction, such as a beauty mark or scar.
- Wear sunglasses.
How to Fend Off a Zombie Attack
- Wear long sleeves and long pants.
Protective armor or heavy outwear may not always be available, but you can at least wear long sleeves and pants. - Determine whether or not you are dealing with “fast moving” or “slow moving” zombies.
Fast moving zombies are more aggressive and will require an offensive strategy. Slow moving zombies are more plodding and can be avoided with an effective defensive strategy. - If you are surrounded, retreat to an enclosed building with access to ample food or equipment.
A mall or department store would be ideal, or a large apartment complex with many potential hiding places and residences to raid for supplies. - Remember that the only way to kill a zombie is to remove or dispose of its head.
Zombies do not react to wounds or attacks in other parts of their bodies. They will keep attacking you, even if they have to leave an arm or limb behind. - Use long range weapons first.
Shotguns, grenades, Molotov cocktails are safest when properly handled. - Use short range weapons as a second choice.
Anything that can be used to remove the zombie’s head is sufficient-a sword, a baseball bat, an axe, even a chair. - At all costs, keep away from the mouths of the undead.
Zombies spread their virus through biting-avoid being bitten at all costs, or you will become one of them.
