The S.P.I.T (Safe Penile Intercourse Techniques) Method
Believe it or not, sex can still be enjoyable for you and your partner even though you have a huge penis, and we’ve combined Harvard’s S.P.I.T. recommendations with our own interview to prove it.
“Caleb” was a middle-aged divorcé who’d recently started dating a considerably younger woman. His “first time” story is typical.
1. Make Sure Your Partner Is Ready.
Deciding to mount a huge penis isn’t like deciding to go to bed with a “normal” man. It’s a life-changing decision. One your partner will live with for the rest of his or her life. They may want to see their doctor or therapist before making the final decision. Be supportive. Pressuring or “hurrying” them will only hurt both of you in the long run.
“I ran my fingers though her hair. She was trembling, the poor thing. After all the talking, and planning, and dry runs, this was it. It was finally going to happen. Abby [not her real name] had
been great about keeping up with her exercise schedule. In three weeks, she’d worked her way up from bratwurst, to cucumbers, all the way to yellow crookneck squash. I was so proud of her.”
2. Let Your Partner Set the Pace.
Don’t expect to climb on and start pumping. It will take a novice several minutes of slow, steady breathing to accept a good length of your penis. Only after their body has begun to relax can thrusting begin. Some women have likened this stage to giving birth, only with the baby moving back and forth repeatedly.
“On every fifth exhale, I’d gently slide another millimeter or two forward and reapply lube. I was so
excited-the time was just flying. When I glanced over at the clock I was stunned to see that almost two hours had passed since I first inserted the head.”
3. Be Accepting of Your Partner’s Limitations.
If your partner is unwilling or unable to do something, drop the subject. Sometimes we have a tendency to project our self-hatred onto others.
“I pushed too hard, I guess, because Abby let a tiny poop go on the sheets. ‘Stop, dammit! Stop!’ She was mortified. ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ I flew into a rage. It was like I’d been climbing Everest only to be turned back a few meters from the top. ‘What the hell do you mean? We just started!’ I looked down. My penis wasn’t even a third of the way in. Abby started crying again. ‘Jesus! This is so stupid!’ I yelled.”
4. Don’t Wait for Them to Finish.
Average-sized men tend to wait until their partner reaches orgasm before allowing themselves to. This kind of “penile chivalry” isn’t necessary for men with OMG. In most cases, your partner just wants the experience to be over as quickly as possible.
“It was like having sex with the rough side of a dish sponge. Poor Abby-she just wasn’t into it after almost four fours of lying there. I kept squirting lube on, but it made things only slightly better.
I knew I’d have a nasty case of rod rash on the other side of this, but I didn’t care. I was determined to finish. I closed my eyes and called up my emergency fantasy: the old Tina Fey/Kevin Costner/Caleb bisexual three-for-all. It did the trick, as always . . . though I never saw Abby again.”
April 9th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
This was “painfully” funny. I was dying of laughter. Some people have major balls! Thank God for maverick writers, they make the world go round. Thanks for the chuckle.
November 18th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Omg I Have this problem glad to know im not the only one
January 7th, 2010 at 2:18 am
Wow! I am amazed to hear stories like these. Maybe I’m surrounded by sluts or pro- porno stars because it seems all women want are guys hung like Mr.Ed WOW!
February 2nd, 2010 at 7:23 am
I read this, thought it was funny. What if your penis is un-really small ? Mines fatter than it is long. What should i do ?