Mr. Collins was carefully instructing them in what they were to expect, that the sight of such rooms, so many servants, and so splendid a dinner might not wholly overpower them.
-Pride and Prejudice
Family meals generally consist of only a few dishes, but formal dinner parties tend to be elaborate affairs, with at least two courses plus dessert. The table will be laid with a tremendous amount of food; the cuisine offered might include several cuts of meat, poultry, fish, pies, vegetables, puddings, “made dishes” or ragouts (dishes combining several foods, baked or stewed with sauce), and even sweet fare such as custards or trifle. And you can eat with your fingers!
GOING IN TO DINNER
1. The host and hostess will escort the highest-ranking guest of the opposite sex into the dining room.
2. Allow those of higher rank to go in ahead of you. New brides are also given precedence for a few months after their marriage. Truly genteel persons will not insist on the observance of strict precedence, but there always will be a pill who will make a fuss over having his or her rank respected. Surreptitiously complain about him or her to the other guests.
3. Sit at the table according to rank. The host and hostess will sit together at the higher end of the table, or one at either end, and will invite the highest-ranking guests to sit next to them. The other guests will take their place accordingly. With a little luck and contrivance, you might be seated next to the object of your desire.
THE MEAL
1. Help yourself to the dishes within easy reach, and offer to serve some to your neighbors. The food will be served à la française, with the dishes placed on the table for guests to serve themselves. You are not expected to try every dish. If you want soup, ask for it right away, as it will be served and then immediately removed and replaced with another dish.
2. If you would like to try something out of your reach, pass your plate to the person sitting nearest that dish, or send the servant round with your plate. You might be eating with your fingers, but the “boardinghouse reach” is still considered inappropriate.
3. Gentlemen will carve meat placed near them and offer to help their neighbors to a slice. This is an excellent opportunity for flirtation. An “accidental” touch of the hand can say volumes.
4. Use your fingers to help cut and eat your food, particularly for tearing apart meat and fowl. This is perfectly polite behavior. To clean your fingers, dip them into your finger bowl and wipe them discreetly on your napkin or on the part of the tablecloth in your lap. Don’t worry about dirtying the cloth, as it will be replaced before the second course and is meant to catch spills and dirt rather than as a decorative item. Don’t drink the water in your fingerbowl, but you can use it to rinse out your mouth.
5. Do not overeat! Try a little bit of several things, and pace yourself for the second course and dessert. Those who show too much interest in their food or are overly finicky about it open themselves to contempt.
6. Converse brilliantly. (The men notice that, you know.) Depending on the size of the party, conversation might be general or confined to the persons seated nearest to you. Do not gossip or discuss private business when the servants are present and might overhear and carry gossip below stairs.
7. Sit quietly while the table is cleared and the second course is laid out. Do not attempt to converse, as it will be an awkward business with the servants ducking around you. A good hostess will ensure that her servants perform this task quickly so that guests are not unduly inconvenienced. The second course will consist of lighter dishes, though still a great variety. The same guidelines explained above for serving yourself and eating apply.
8. Save room for syllabub. The tablecloth will be removed entirely after the second course and the servants will withdraw once the dessert is laid out, permitting more private conversation. The dessert selection might include fruit, jellies, creams, cakes, custards, trifle, syllabub (a sort of Georgian smoothie), cheese and nuts, as well as sweet dessert wine. Candied or jellied fruit is likely to be served, but chocolate candy will not be invented for several decades, so do not expect bon-bons-quel dommage!
“DRINKING TEA” & POSTDINNER ENTERTAINMENT
1. Follow the hostess to the dining room. When the guests are finished with their dessert, the hostess will rise. The ladies ill retire to the drawing room for conversation, reading, gossip, and needlework until the gentlemen deign to join them, usually thirty minutes to an hour later. If you are hoping to spend time with a particular gentleman, this time will pass very slowly, so read Shakespeare’s sonnets or Byron’s poetry to properly reflect your tortured state of mind.
2. When all the gentlemen have returned to the drawing room, offer to help the young ladies of the house pour out the coffee and tea. Pouring beverages offers an excellent opportunity for a bit of conversation with a certain gentleman. If he brings back his cup for more, assume he is interested.
3. Upon their arrival, greet the guests who were invited only to “drink tea” rather than to dine. Try to not act superior to those considered by the hostess as good enough company while drinking tea but not while eating dinner.
4. If you are asked to play the pianoforte, do not linger at the instrument. Play one or two songs, modestly disclaim your talent, mention something about a sore throat, and let the other young ladies have time to exhibit.
5. Assist the hostess in making up a card table. Whist requires four players per game, so if a table is short, offer to sit in-especially if the gentleman in whom you are interested is sitting there.
6. If you would like to gamble, determine if you can afford the game before sitting down. Ascertain if they will be “playing high,” or for high stakes. Gambling debts are called “debts of honor” and failure to repay them might render one unwelcome in polite society.
7. Drop a hint in the hostess’s ear to roll back the carpet for an impromptu dance. If you are asked to dance by an undesirable partner, remember that if you decline, you cannot dance with any other gentleman that evening. However, there will most likely be only a few dances, so you will be stuck with the undesirable partner all night anyway. It is perfectly polite to say, “Thank you, I do not care to dance tonight,” and spend the night conversing, reading, creating fancy needlework, or pining romantically for the true object of your affection. Try not to get roped into playing for others to dance, as this will mark you as a spinster past all hope.
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