- Tiffany Kelly, Marketing and Social Media Coordinator
So the Sandwich in a Can, or the Candwich, is going to happen.
I have some questions.
Is it a liquid? A solid? Plasma? I don’t even know what phase of matter the Candwich falls under. What comes to mind is a mushy tube of pre-chewed, chunky morsels, like cat vomit. And I see comments on blogs that declare, “I want a Candwich!” and “EPIC!” with astonishing fervor and sincerity, but I can’t find anything specific about this product. All I see is the clever tagline, “Can Your Hunger!” and pictures of the packaging, which looks like a can of Pop Rocks-flavored soda.
The pictures show a whole sandwich, cut in half, but all it says is “Pop the Top! Ready to Eat”
Does the whole top pop off to reveal a sandwich soaking in a preservative slime, like the stuff you find in a can of kidney beans? Does this “food item” slide through the soda can-sized opening? I simply cannot find any answers on what’s actually in the Candwich. Only out of morbid curiosity, I must know.
The product page for Candwich on the Mark One Foods website is inconclusive.
According to them, the Candwich:
“Is the perfect product for people on the go such as students, construction workers, soccer moms and outdoor enthusiasts.”
“Has a long shelf life that is perfect for emergency food storage needs in the event of natural disasters.”
“[Offers] Easy store display - does not require refrigeration.”
It just leaves me with more questions, such as:
- Why doesn’t the BBQ Chicken Candwich need to be refrigerated?
- What makes you think that outdoor enthusiasts would be interested in eating this?
- What makes you think anyone would give this to a child, let alone their own children? On that note, why is that little girl in the picture holding one? That’s terrible! Make her put that down.
- I don’t like this humanitarian / bomb shelter angle. Would the Red Cross accept the Candwich as a food donation? It’s bad enough that Hot Pockets has a dot-org website: www.eatfreely.org
- Why couldn’t repulsive sandwich-esque products just end with the Hot Pocket? Or whatever this is supposed to be.
If someone can let me know, I’d be very appreciative.
Many thanks.
I guess if we ever do another volume of Better Than Homemade, the Candwich have to make the top 10 new processed food inventions. That and the frozen chocolate-chip-pancake-sausage-kabob thing and Baconnaise (for dipping?).
July 12th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
Jamie Oliver is going to hyperventilate when he hears about this…product.
July 12th, 2010 at 5:48 pm
Ever seen this guy and the “food” he eats?
Would you eat any of this stuff in a zombie apocalypse?
http://www.thesneeze.com/steve-dont-eat-it/